The family: One of the three pillars of society |19 May 2018

Society is made up of three pillars: the family, the state and the church.

The family is the place where characters are formed or sadly in some cases, deformed.  Parents are the first educators of their children. Rudyard Kippling said: “Give me a child until he is seven and you may have him for the rest of his life”. This says it all. In his poem on ‘The Rainbow’ William Wordsworth also said: “The child is father of the man”.  They both emphasise the importance of the child in the family.

Yes, within the family is every human being’s first place of education.  What the child sees, does, hears, experiences in the family, the examples s/he witnesses have a significant impact on his/her personality and in turn his/her adulthood.  Therefore, it follows that the family is of major importance in our society.  Simply put -- the quality of our families decides the kind of society that we have.  Good, serious, and responsible families will naturally produce strong, serious and responsible citizens who will be of great benefit to the country.

The State is responsible for the laws governing the country and for setting the guidelines for society. It has the mandate to protect its citizens and ensures that they have a good framework of life, which caters for their well-being as well as the development of the country. The State is shaped by the kind of society we create. The State should cultivate solid families through exemplary national leadership. It is crucial to also listen to the voice of the public and to respond to their needs and aspirations.

It is incumbent upon the State to provide appropriate and supportive institutions, particularly education system that teaches self-discipline and develops positive moral values, necessary throughout one’s life. The State must be attentive to its people to address emerging needs and find solutions to challenges.

The Church provides the framework for spirituality, the basis for right and wrong. In this way, it helps to develop family virtues and provides guidance to behaviour and development of attitudes. It teaches and inculcates love for each other, tolerance, respect, pardon and compassion, to cherish, to protect others and to seek for peace.

The church keeps society grounded, acts as a bedrock of faith and answers to humanity’s deepest needs. Irrespective of one’s denomination, the church is the lifeline of any society to instill change in people’s lives, to help them meet their spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical needs.

What is very important for us to note is the role of the family in providing society with citizens able to work and perform efficiently in the state as well as the Church.  It therefore follows that the family provides all sectors of society with the necessary human resources.  As a result, the quality of our society is very much dependent on the quality of our homes and our families. This underscores the paramount importance of cultivating good families.

If a country wants responsible citizens, the country has to focus all efforts on building stable families to create an environment where children live in a conducive atmosphere, to help them develop their inborn potential.  If we look around us carefully, we can discover that our children possess varied gifts, even in our own home.  God in his wisdom created us differently and if this difference is well harnessed, it can also create a great combination of skills that allows us to fulfill our roles and needs.

So, it is clear that our homes, if properly managed, can become the source of skills that would enrich the lives of everyone.  For families to do that parents, yes, I say parents -- father and mother -- must act responsibly. A child needs both parents who in turn should have the necessary knowledge and skills to perform efficiently and effectively.  Mothers and fathers have different but complementary roles.  The mother represents care, love, well-being, tenderness, so much so that if the child is in pain, has a problem, s/he runs to the mother.  Whereas, if they experience fear they would run to the father who represents strength, courage and protection.

Both parents need to understand their children, their needs, their growth, through different stages of development, especially adolescence which is a challenging stage for the child as well as the parents.  They also need to develop certain skills to succeed in their roles.  They need to understand the value of dialogue and active listening.  They should develop the skill of reasoning with the child as opposed to giving orders to be obeyed, no matter what.  They should understand emotions, psychological outlook, feelings of their children and differences in way of thinking due to the generation gap.  To do these, parents need to follow special programmes by people with expertise to help them develop appropriate skills.

To conclude I will add that the country has a sacred duty to provide these

programmes to enable parents to be responsible and effective in their roles.

Presently, there is much talk about “social ills”.  We should not only talk but act to provide solutions. Willing and committed educators should be provided with funds, human resources and necessary facilities to deliver the programmes.  We have many volunteers but they have their hands tied for the lack of resources. As families, let us all wake up before it is too late.  Let us join hands to give a chance to our future generations.  Taking care of those on drugs, alcohol, etc. is commendable but more importantly save the younger ones who are not yet affected.  Prepare future parents for their roles.  Educate the existing parents to enable them to assume their responsibilities.  We criticise them, we call our men irresponsible but during my 25 years of experience I have witnessed remarkable changes in people who attend relevant sessions.  We need to reach more of them to help change their behaviour and attitudes.

May God bless and enlighten you all who read this article.

Edwina Adrienne (Mrs)

Founder President APSHF