Portrait of a good father |12 August 2016
Father has the biggest emotional and psychological impact on son
It is usually heard that the mother embodies tenderness, love and understanding for a child but many forget that these qualities can be emitted by a father.
For the purpose of anonymity all names used in this article are fictitious.
“A father is not necessarily someone who is biologically related to you, a father can also be someone who has been there for you and has helped you grow as a person, who has been your role model, has given you qualities and values that have taken you places and has grounded you for life”.
This is the definition of a father given to me by Nick, who feels fathers are being undervalued so he wanted to share his story about his father which he describes as “a great man”.
His father is now his best friend but it did not start out that way.
Nick’s parents went through a divorce when he was only seven, which was hard on him and made him an angry teenager as he did not really understand what was going on and he did not know how to ask.
His dad played a major role is his emotional and psychological strengthening.
“My dad was always there to take the time to try and understand my anger, frustration, sadness. He was always there to support me and to try to make me feel better and understand things better,” he says.
Nick, who lived with his mum after the divorce, would see his dad mostly on weekends and during holidays.
“I didn’t have my father with me as much as I wanted and when I was growing up I found that a bit hard. It was after I matured a bit that I realised the physical presence of my father was not necessarily needed. The emotional and psychological support was most important,” he says.
His father being one of his biggest role models, Nick states that both his grandfathers also had huge impacts on his life.
“I’ve learned so many things from him for instance how to say thank you, to be respectful, honest, and appreciative. He has great qualities such as being a very patient man, he’s always there to give advice and to give guidance, he is always loving, understanding and always tries to make time for me,” he says.
Nick, now 20, says growing up he had a tough childhood surrounded by a lot of bad influences and his father was always there trying to protect him so they had a few clashes every now and then as Nick always wanted to fit in.
“But he (my father) saw further than I did, so he was always trying to protect me and he would always say NO to me when I’d ask him for something to go somewhere and told me: ‘Nick this is delayed gratification, which means not always getting what you want when you want, if you want something you have to work for it,” Nick says.
He says his father groomed him into the young man he is today by always saying no and teaching him the hard knocks of life.
“I grew up admiring how grounded he was and he taught me that nothing comes easy in life. He wanted me to fall down and to try and get back up by myself,” he says.
Nick is proud that his father raised him to be his own person by pushing him towards his own dream, but he would like to be the same kind of father like his dad when his time comes.
He explains that there were disagreements and fights over his choice of study he wanted to pursue, but after a lot of rebellion from Nick, his parents and family finally understood his passion.
“My father was actually the first to understand what it was I wanted among all my family members,” he says.
While growing up Nick would jump from one sport to another and still his father supported him along the way.
“I’ve always been very active in sports while growing up, going from karate to swimming, canoeing, windsurfing, soccer then back to karate again which I took seriously this time and my dad was more than happy to come to my fights and gradings to psych me up before the competition,” he said.
Currently studying abroad, Nick now has the full support of his families.
According to Nick perfection is not what is needed.
“I wouldn’t call him perfect, he’s got his flaws as everybody else but he has worked on himself enough to have the good qualities needed, by his child, family and wife,” he says.
Now they are best friends and they can tell each other everything.
“Nowadays most kids don’t want to tell their parents anything because they are afraid but he comes with an open mind and wanting to understand which basically fall back to love,” Nick said.
Reaching out to fathers in Seychelles Nick says, “You don’t have to physically be there all the time but the father’s role in the child’s life is important, not any father’s role but a good father who could be a child’s hero,” he said.
He wants fathers to understand that they may not be perfect but as long as they love their child and make the effort to put their child first all the time, their children will adore them more than anything and will be proud to call them their father.
For children who do not appreciate their father, Nick says there was a point where he used to say ‘I hate you’ but never really meant it.
“Fathers help you into the world, they may not be the perfect father who you want and they may not even be there at all sometimes but learning from them no matter how small will make you a better person in some way or another because fathers are here only for a certain amount of time,” he says.
He says if your father does not try to teach you, you try to learn from him but only the good qualities and cultivate them into you to be a better person.