Tips from NCC on what to do when children disclose abuse |06 June 2020

“We need community support to help break the silence on child sexual abuse. That is why we are making an appeal to everyone to report any suspected cases. Child sex offenders are master manipulators, able to perpetrate this crime through fear-driven silence, secrecy and shame,” the director of counselling at NCC, Gerard Lim Sam, told us.

“For the children who are victims, they feel shame, self-blame, embarrassment, guilt, responsibility and concern for their own safety or the safety of others while their suffering continues. And the pain they suffer can last a lifetime. For those of us who do care, for those of us who do listen, the sound of their suffering is deafening,” Mr Lim Sam added.

Sadly the majority of these crimes are perpetrated inside the family unit or by someone known to the family.

So we want children to feel safe and tell someone they can trust.

When a child discloses sexual abuse and feels unsupported or disbelieved, it can cause them grave harm. Disclosure is about seeking support and your response can have a great impact on the child or young person's ability to seek further help and recover from the trauma.

It is important to remember that while it is your role to be a supportive listener, it is not your role to counsel the child or investigate his or her claims. Child protection workers will undertake investigations and professional counsellors are available to provide counselling.

If a child or young person discloses abuse that is occurring, or has occurred, outside the organisation you are working for, you should support the child or young person by believing him or her and reassuring them that telling was the right thing to do.

If you work for an organisation and if a child or young person in the care of an organisation/institution discloses abuse that has been perpetrated by someone associated with that organisation, it is of utmost importance that you keep the information confidential and if the organisation have protocols in place for such circumstances, then you still inform management or someone in authority who should then contact social services immediately. Only those people who must know should be informed of the disclosure.

Children and young people are most likely to initially disclose abuse to either a parent or a friend. Hearing that a child or young person has been abused is distressing, and this will be felt even more acutely if you are a friend or relative. It is possible that the perpetrator is known to you and may even be a family member.

For a child or young person who discloses that he or she is currently being abused, the immediate priority is safety and protection from further abuse.

There are some general tips for responding to disclosure:

• Give the child or young person your full attention.
• Maintain a calm appearance.
• Don't be afraid of saying the “wrong” thing.
• Reassure the child or young person it is right to tell.
• Accept the child or young person will disclose only what is comfortable and recognise the bravery/strength of the child for talking about something that is difficult.
• Let the child or young person take his or her time.
• Let the child or young person use his or her own words.
• Don't make promises you can't keep.
• Tell the child or young person what you plan to do next.
• Do not confront the perpetrator.

Don't make promises you can't keep

Children learn at a very young age to hide what is happening to them. Sometimes, they fear repercussions for themselves or other family members. In other instances, they may fear the consequences for parents whom they love in spite of the abuse. Because of this, a child or young person might ask an adult to promise secrecy before disclosing. Such a promise should not be made. By telling the child: “I can't make that promise, but I can tell you I will do my best to keep you safe”, you can reassure the child, manage expectations, and encourage him/her to speak out about abuse.

Child abuse often leaves children feeling disempowered and lacking control in their own life. Making sure the child or young person is fully aware of each child protection step can make the process less intimidating and can help return a sense of power and safety.

If an adult does not take action when there are suspicions that a child is being abused, it may place the child at serious risk of ongoing abuse and prevent the child's family from receiving the help they need. In summary, it is important to:

• listen to and support the child or young person;
• reassure the child or young person he or she did the right thing;
• not make promises you can't keep; and
• contact the appropriate authorities.

You too can help make Seychelles the safest place in the world in which to raise a child. 

REPORT CHILD ABUSE –TEL: 4322626

OR YOU CAN TALK TO SOMEONE AT NCC Tel: 4283900

Contributed by NCC

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