How to remain successful without losing yourself in the process |24 June 2020

Often work takes precedence over everything in our lives. As professional and ambitious women, our desire to succeed can push us to set aside our own well-being.

The world has and is changing very fast and is becoming unpredictable, thus our work and businesses are becoming more demanding, making the work-life balance seem like an impossible feat.

Technology makes workers accessible around the clock, as fears of job loss incentivise longer hours. A whopping 94% of working professionals reported working more than 54 hours per week and nearly half said they worked more than 65 hours per week according to a Harvard Business School survey. 

In Seychelles where entrepreneurship is at an all time high, it can be difficult to set boundaries because our work and personal lives are often interlinked. We live in a small community, which means there’s a high chance of running into business and project partners in unlikely places – while grocery shopping, while picking up our kids from school, or even at a night out. This makes it difficult to switch off when needed. We are also tempted to respond to messages at all times of the day and night, which creates a perception of productivity.

Once a professional and career driven woman and now managing my own business, I can tell from personal experience that the compounding stress from the never-ending workday is damaging not only to your emotional, mental and physical well-being, but also harms your health and overall happiness. 

I did not know how to manage and find the right balance and did not realise the harm it caused to my general well being. I often wish I had a mentor at that time… For this reason I am calling successful professionals and business women out there to find the balance by putting their selves first. 

What does putting yourself first mean?

I always smile when I hear people talk about self love; self love is not the same as self care! Mind you, it’s important to look after our own needs, take time off with loved ones, and do what makes us happy. It’s about finding the balance.

In this context however self love means “to put yourself at the top of the list and nurture yourself, honour yourself, stop the crazy mind chatter in your head that tells you all the time that success is only possible through sacrifice, especially sacrificing your personal and home life, and letting our work take control of our lives”.

I would like to remind each of the successful women reading this that yes, it is possible to succeed and achieve without sacrificing yourself in the process. 

Work-life balance means something different to every individual, but here are some tips to help you find the balance that’s right for you and your lifestyle:

• A lot of overachievers develop perfectionist tendencies at a young age when demands on their time are limited to school and hobbies. It’s easier to maintain that perfectionist habit as a kid, but as you grow up, life gets more complicated.

   As you climb the ladder at work and as your family grows, your responsibilities     mushroom. “Perfectionism becomes out of reach, and if that habit is left unchecked, it can become destructive,” says executive coach Marilyn Puder-York, PhD, who wrote ‘The Office Survival Guide’.

With my own personal experience,  I have learned that the key to avoid burn out is to let go of perfectionism.  We have to accept that there is no perfect work-life balance; instead we should thrive for excellence and a realistic schedule that suits our lifestyle. I always say that it’s important to remain fluid and asses your goals and priorities by allowing yourself to remain open and asses your needs.

• Technology has helped our lives in many ways but it has also created expectations of constant accessibility. The work day never seems to end.

There are times when you should just shut your phone off and enjoy the moment. By not reacting to the updates from work, you will develop a stronger habit of resilience. “Resilient people feel a greater sense of control over their lives,” says Robert Brooks, a professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School, “while reactive people have less control and are more prone to stress.”

Take time to unwind and don’t be afraid to unplug. Cutting ties from the outside world from time to time allows us to recover from daily stress and when spending time on things we like and with people we love we become happier and more productive in our jobs and business.

This may be a hard pill to swallow, but bear in mind that no matter how important you think your job is, the company will not miss a beat tomorrow if you are gone.

• Even when we’re busy, we make time for the crucial things in life. We eat, we go to the bathroom, we sleep, and yet one of our most crucial needs – exercise – is often the first thing to go when our calendars fill up!

Exercise is an effective stress reducer and there’s so many benefits; it enhances your mood and keeps you happy. Dedicating a few chunks of time each week to physical activities, whether it’s exercise, yoga, or meditation is effective. If you’re really pressed for time, start small – a 20-minute walk a few times a week would do the tricks to a better healthy lifestyle. Exercise is also a healthier form of stress reduction than drinking alcohol, binge watching television, or eating unhealthy snacks.

• This point is one of my favourites when it comes to not only finding the balance but the positive benefits it has to our mental and emotional health. 

Identify what’s most important in your life. This list will differ for everyone, so make sure it truly reflects your priorities, not someone else’s. Next, draw firm boundaries so you can devote quality time to these high-priority people and activities. From there, it will be easier to determine what needs to be trimmed from the schedule.

If email or internet surfing sends you into a time-wasting spiral, establish rules to keep you on task. If you find your time being gobbled up by less constructive people, find ways to diplomatically limit these interactions. 

Focus on the people and activities that reward you the most. To some, this may seem selfish. “But it isn’t selfish,” it’s that whole plane metaphor. “If you have a child, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first, not on the child.” When it comes to being a good friend, spouse, parent or worker, “the better you are yourself, the better you are going to be in all those areas as well”.

• Sometimes we fall into a rut and assume our habits are set in stone. Take a bird’s eye view of your life and ask yourself: What changes could make life easier? Maybe it’s time to change our habit. Instead of trying to do it all, focus on activities you specialise in and value most. 

Delegation can help in that regard. Delegation can be a win-win situation, find out what you can do to let go in ways that benefit other people by giving them opportunities to grow in your community (colleagues). This will give them a chance to learn something new and at the same time free you up so you may devote attention to your higher priorities.

• We’ve all been there: crash/yo-yo diets that fizzle out, New Year’s resolutions we forget by March… I have done this repeatedly over a long period of time and the truth is it doesn’t work and it’s not healthy nor sustainable.

It’s the same with work-life balance when we take on too much too quickly we can’t keep up and as a result we beat ourselves down.

Many of us commit to drastic changes: bumping up daily run from zero miles a day to five miles a day for instance. It’s a recipe for failure. The same goes for home life, if you are always absent from family dinners start with small changes for instance, once a week and eventually work your way up to twice per week. That way your family and yourself are happy. I call this setting good habits for inevitable success, and I always tell my clients to ask themselves, “What do I need to let go of in order to allow the new habits in?”  As you know we need to remove old furniture in order to let new furniture in.

While your job and/or business is important it shouldn’t be your entire life. You were an individual before taking the role and position. You should always make time for activities and hobbies that make you happy. 

No matter how hectic your schedule might be, you ultimately have control of your time and life. Balance is the key, in everything. Eat chocolate if you want to, and a kale salad when you need it. Drink wine but don’t forget your green juice. Embrace all aspects of yourself and your life and most importantly make your own path.

For more information on lifestyle coaching please email: fasinasyon1@gmail.com

Tips from Lifestyle Coach Marsha Parcou